Thursday, 6 August 2015

Rant Day#16 - Bus Life


I don't know how buses work but lemme tell you the transport in London is just Ha. Either really good or really bad and it depends on the day. 

Bus drivers all have those days when they're on their periods I can't blame them. 

Carrying around obnoxious school kids and wailing babies is one thing but carrying herds of them every day is another. 

But some Bus Drivers...

Let's just start. 


1) Did you not see my hand?

Lemme just stand here like a tree until you see me? Or is it when I hire Beyonce to wave my hands up in the air you're going to see me?

This is annoying. 

When bus drivers just drive past you and you stuck out your hand. 

I'm sorry is it that the sign changed? Why did you just drive past me?

To be honest it is just plain rude. 

Especially in the rain. I have been waiting for 20 minutes. Giving you the benefit of the doubt and you just drive past me like. 0_0

I am the one that's soaked, all you have to do is press a button and the door opens and I do the rest. Like just it makes me upset. 

:'((


2) You know you grew up in London.

You know you grew up in London when that 472 or 206 was packed to the brim and no one can move anywhere like you are breathing in other peoples breathe, and someone's foot is on your bag and another person is holding onto you instead of the stand, like.

Rush time. 

Then the bus driver says, "Please move down inside the bus."

Then everyone is just like 0.0 -.-

Don't make me hurt you. 

Move to where? 

Bish where?

I ain't pullin no spider man and clinging to the roof. 

I can't even blink and you want me to move down to where? 

Then slowly everyone starts to shuffle and you're just basically stomping your feet cause you're not actually going anywhere. 

THEN

A woman with her buggy decides to get on and says she will fold it, but nuh uh. This lady, keep in mind there is no baby chilling in it. Because she has taken him out. Then she leaves her buggy open.

...

She lied. 

So imma just plonk myself in this buggy, cause ain't nobody got time fo dat. 


3) Why you pushing?

That one person who has an elbow. 

But not any elbow their elbow puts a pencil to shame. 

They nudge, they hit, they push, they pull Kamehameha's and go all Dragon Ball Z with that elbow. Like proper starting the Harlem shake with that limb. 

They will attack you when you're sitting down. 

When you're standing up. 

Hell even when you're in a buggy, there is no mercy. 

I was on the bus and I had a seat, and a lady was sitting next to me then she got up and another lady took her place. This woman put her elbow out and was poking me in the side and I'm eyeing her up like "Girl you wanna go? Hold my purse Dodgy John, and my phone, actually just hold my earrings. Last time you held my purse my £20 went missing" 

She is poking me and moving closer so her ass is invading my seat like...

Then I put my bag in between us and move closer to the window, this woman is pushing my bag against me and forcing me to press up against the window, like nah, I ain't gonna fly through the window and suddenly roll into some splits. 

This is NOT cheerleaders. 

So do you know what I did? 

I made my butt stay strong and fought against her jabs sipping on my cherry aid. 

Then me and her were getting off at the same stop. 

So instead of waiting or saying excuse me this woman just went 'POKE POKE POKE,' Then hopped off. 

Last time I took  187. 

Ain't nobody got time for fractured ribs. 


Buses...Just walk.